Here’s something to ponder upon: There is always a way to say it better. These are some examples:
Afterward, she went on her way.
Ask yourself: How did she go? Instead of went, describe her movements or gait:
Afterward, she sauntered away.
Afterward, she walked away
Danced across the floor
Did a two-step across the floor
Waltzed across the floor
She felt around the floor of the car, trying to find the cell phone.
She groped around the seat and the floor of the car…
She slid her hand between the seats
The thought of dying came to mind.
The thought of bleeding to death came to mind.
The thought of succumbing to a coma and dying came to mind.
The above has two words to watch. We could have used….
The thought of slipping into a coma… instead, succumbing is more dramatic than gently slipping into a coma. Slipping hints at letting herself slip away. Succumbing tells us she put up a gallant fight to stay alive until more powerful forces overtook her. It’s more dramatic.
The fireman holding up her head managed to get his upper body through the open windshield space.
The fireman supporting her head managed to squeeze his upper body through the open windshield space.
Your prose must sing and dance off the page. Anytime you describe what a character does, always check to see if a more descriptive word might apply. Any word to help the reader see the detailed actions that your characters perform is better to use.
Please visit Mary Deal’s website for more wonderful articles like this one: Write Any Genre.